And there she was....

I was driving to Cleveland for a training session. I was playing this game with myself that I playu sometimes, I try to imagine what I would do if, I went back in time (but not in like a time machine, but if I suddenly found myself at an earlier age, say 5 or so) but still knew all the things that I know now. Doing such a thing would have it's own unique set of perks and problems, for instance you would seem very brilliant, buit that could be an issue, as people would expect a lot from you.

Anyway, I was thinking about life experiences. I am glad for my life experiences, because they are part of what made me who I am today. but if I went back, still knowing what I know, I could skip most of them since, for me, they have already happend and I would salready be the person I am. Now of course this would change lived for a lot of other people. That's not really my problem, but what it really came down to, is what it always seems to come down to...Anna.

Anna has been through some...rough spots, and I could probably avoid that happening. Now of course there is the thing about those experiences, and her being a different person, but that's not even what I am referring to. There is another problem. Avoiding the bad experiences would also lead to avoinding sone of the good ones, like say Johnathan. Even in a hypothetical situation, I could never make that choice (the one in which Anna is spared some of the rough spots, but Johnathan never comes to be), so the only fair thing to do would be to (if I had foreknowledge of my impending time trip) ask her how she wanted that to go....but that's no fair at all. How could you ask someone to make that decision. I mean, I was thinking that if the decision was to avoid the pain, it's not like she would miss him, as he would havce never been there, I thought, she would never have had a child. Then it occurred to me that of course she would have, our daughter.

That's when things went strange. This sort of thing has never happend to me. I'm not a creative person, ont a visual person at all in the imagination respect, but into my mind popped this image of this beautiful little girl, a cinnamon girl if you will. Long light brown hair, really she looked liek a cross between Anna and myself, with the best of both of us. The sort of little girl I might design from pictures of us, were I capable of doing such a thing.

I was floored, for lack of a better word. I didn't know what to do, it was such an odd experience for me. I feel like her dad. I want to be her dad.

Novi Prospekt

Well, I just got back (Saturday) from Novi. It's a sort of Suburb of Detroit. I don't like cities. Not driving in them anyway. It was an ok week though, even managed to get a little overtime.